The immediate days following her death were unbearable and indescribable. The days were full of feelings of helplessness, grief, and what ifs. The heart-wrenching, body-shaking sobs I heard during Yuri’s wake were unlike anything I had ever experienced. I saw how losing a loved one in teenage hood evokes an entirely different grief process than the one when losing a grandparent or older relative. It’s all just so unexpected.
I didn’t know how to deal with her death myself. I found it hard to reach out to others to find help for me. Instead, I absorbed myself in my mothering duties with my other girls.
It’s still painful to realize she’s gone. But in acknowledgment of what happened I write to you that I miss Yuri and that I wish none of my kids here had to deal with another painful death in their lives.
I have three weeks left in my volunteer experience. Yuri’s death so close to the end of my volunteer year has completely changed the ending I thought I would have. On the bright side of things – I get to fix my regrets instead of living with them at home after my volunteer experience has ended.
Yuri’s smiling face in her photos contradicts so strongly what I feel while I look. Her smile is so beautiful.
